constructing the balanced strong

the vein of gold I haven't discovered yet is approaching. I can feel it pressing against my skin from the inside dying to, trying to, push through and make me soar. I have no idea what it wants or how it wants me to do it. But I do know it's a gold vein, because if it was a silver one the grass alongside the road would be bent to each sides and the path clear to follow. It's not cleared at all and that makes it all the more exciting. And as the vein moves closer to the surface, life moves closer to its beginning and the gold can be subtracted and make me shine. In it's own time. It's not all about love this time either, it's about finding peace in and with what drives you, what motivates you and what makes you happy. I'm finding it, I'm creating it and finally I have the courage to flaunt it.

when the sky freezes over

pretty pretty pretty things. I used to say fall was grey, fall was water. This fall is flowery, pink and marshmallows are all around. or maybe it's all in my head. nonetheless it makes me happy, so I'll pretend it's real.

who did you think I was?

I'm a strong person. I am. I can take a lot and I can talk even more about taking that lot. I can tell you that I don't get hurt if you talk to someone you used to love. I can tell you I want you to have her in your life. It's healthy. I can be easy going and open minded. He told me I'm the most open minded person he knows. I can take a lot. I'm a strong person.
But when strong people feel, I fall. I'm watching me being crazy about you and I can't take not being her. 'cause what I'm definitely not is somebody you used to love.

Copying - stealing - taking things

Ricky Gervais Show - Karl's Diary

Yup.

Mi mancano i colori e le risate e l'odore. (L'odore!) Io sto perdendo. And all that jazz.

One more for March.

Ok, let's do this again. I have an idea or something. Or rather Coleridge had an idea and I'm adopting it and keeping it warm for a while. From now on I'm filling my life with more incredible events and random challenges. I'm embracing the fact that life is not here to please us or make us happy, it's here for us to fill with awesomeness in every sense of the word. So instead of being sad, we can be How I met your mother-awesome instead. In true medieval manner, I hereby challenge the people who read this (probs not many, but you are at least the/my chosen few. Yup, you should feel special) to do something awesome every day. Listen, I don't mean that you should cure cancer or take a ride on a dragon's back every SINGLE day or anything. You can do that every other Friday. But I'm thinking in terms of challenging yourself and dreaming and filling your life with what you really feel like doing. The difficult part is maybe to inspire yourself or know where to find that inspiration. I guess it can be anywhere or in anyone. And hey, who am I fooling, it is me we're talking about here: I say you find it in and fill life with inspiring people, a couple of glasses of wine and reading something or doing something that makes your eyes sparkle and your ears flap. I'm trying. And for God's sake, I'll try and smile while doing it too. In? - Cheerio.

Structured emotions.

These thoughts have emerged through good conversation and/or while intoxicated. In or out? Your call.

Here goes.

Emotions are chaotic, unstable and messy. When strong and crazy enough, they leave you with no easy answer, no one clear train of thought or coherent contemplation. Also emotions very rarely travel alone. Oftentimes they are accompanied by conflicting emotions trying to make you torn and uncertain about how you really feel. Emotions have no structure or logic. They are figments of our imaginations, strong sensations inside our minds and hearts and make us display the worst and best sides to our personalities.

With this in mind one can argue against the rationality of romantic relationships making up our way of life. Feelings and emotions are never rational or structured. The paradox is that romantic relationships (steady ones that is) are. This is not an argument for banning relationships as a whole. It is simply an observation that may be the starting point to changing some of the expectations people in general have towards relationships and what we call love. Emotions can not be lead in any one direction, people can't really control what they feel or try to feel something they don't. By doing so one can suffer from nausea, anxiety, headaches and arrogance.

Maybe this structuring of emotions is a necessity in order to make our society function. Maybe we can't get away from our culture's romantization of romantic relationships. Presently they are indeed the foundation on which our culture and lives are paved. Nonetheless I truly believe people should be more true to their emotions and not be restrained by any relationship. I believe that is the pursuit of happiness. I believe freedom should not be restrained, not even by the people we have these wild raging emotions for. I for one can't structure how I feel and I'm not sure I want to either.

Hurra for verden.

And yes, this time I actually mean it. A big freaking hooray to the world for bringing me so many crazy amazing people. One of my friends has a talking couch, another sows big buttons onto practically every garment she has, a third friend never knows when it's appropriate to laugh and just does it when he feels like it. Gotta love it. As for me I have always been a sucker for changing my mind, so I'm doing that for a while. Yup, I'm pleased for once and happy to say that the weekend is here bringing me an awesome Jarle, some wine and hella cool people without a commonplace thought. Happiness.

This picture is from a commercial some Italian guy showed me. Mwahaha. Sure hope mr. Shakespeare's couch is nicer. I'm sure he is.

I love...

...Dylan Moran.

Why?

Because to him THE FOLLOWING is life as a poem:

“Go and get a job.
Go and find a flat.
Find somebody else.
Put them in the flat.
Make them stay.

Get a toaster.
Go to work.
Get on the bus.
Look at your boss.
Say, “fuck”.
Sit down.
Pick up the thing.
Go blank.
Scream internally.
Go home.

Listen to the radio.
Look at the other person.
Think, “WHY? Why did this happen?”.
Go to bed.
Lie awake!
At night!
Get up.
Feel groggy.
Put the things on – your clothes – whatever they’re called.
Go out the door, into work – same thing!
Same people, again.

It’s real, it is happening to you.

Go home again!
Sit.
Radio.
Dinner – mmm.

GARDENING, GARDENING, GARDENING, death.”

Mwahahaha.

Serenity

So now I'm old. At least older than I was two weeks ago. And it feels like the older you get, the more relaxed you get towards most things, even towards the people you know and the people you love.

I don't mean this in a bad way as I actually think it's healthy. Nothing is the end of the world as we know it anymore, things just flow more easily and you feel calm. It's almost this serene feeling of knowing that everything will work out just the way it's supposed to because the universe has to align itself as it needs to wipe out the threat of the nothingness that doesn't exist. (dolce far niente and the science of empty space and all that jazz).

Even just a year ago my thoughts were all over the place and evere little obstacle seemed like the steepest hill or something. Now it's wiped out and I think people can feel it in the presence of little old calm peopleroos. Yup.

So now I'm old and life has never been more peaceful.

Out of place. Buono.

love and rockets to me. please.

journalism is not writing.
journalism is telling a story in the way it needs to be told.
journalism is not making social calls.
journalism is calling people and making them shout profanities at you.
journalism is not running around taking pictures.
journalism is standing in a corner trying to stay out of the photographer's way.

So, I've smelt it, touched it, licked it, tasted it, chewed on it for a while. I think the conclusionlike thing is that I'm spitting it right out again.
Miss journalist-reporter-interviewer-picturetaker-woman-lady is leaving the building in exactly 29 days. (Yes, I'm counting).

Yeahyeahyeah, at least now I know what it's about and I've told a couple of stories. They'll probably not go down in history or anything, but they're out there. Sort of.

- chup