Lift-off

Now that I've had the low, show me the high. make me jump and twirl on rooftops as night turns to day. give me laughter, fireworks, fine wine and cardemomme once more. I've missed the world and I want it back. Hopefully it'll take me.

An angry girl is an ugly one

men get mad all the time. if it's over the scratch in the paint on his new car or the nagging of his soon to be wife, it doesn't matter. men get angry over nothing and everything. so let me have my anger and rage to myself and let me release it whenever and on whoever I need to.

to me anger is something personal. unloading all your crap on someone and then a sense of relief and control. anger is something personal. but it's nothing personal. I don't mean to be hurtful, I just need to get it out of my system. however, I don't need to unravel mysteries and burst out quite as often as I do. if I could get down to, hmm. let's say once a week that'd be an accomplishment.

I guess nothing's wrong with me for being angry. at least it's better than being sad and nonproductive. when I'm angry, at least I bring a change, a new thought to the table. but I don't need the headache, the tense muscles in my neck or the sore fists from clenching them. I don't need the consequences, pretty much.

Delays and

First of all, sorryyy for not writing anything in ages. what can I say, inspiration's a bastard. just comes and goes as it pleases. anyway, I don't really do the whole 'writing the longest blog'-race. like to keep it fairly short and fairly reasonable. I don't really have the need of the twenty year old Dylan Moran to show off. it gets somewhat boring, so I try to say only what I need to say and not tell you what you need to hear. still, I'm gonna write a few paragraphs on lies and lying to ourselves.

I bet you found yourself lying when you were alone. I lied about feeling good being on my own for so long that I actually started believing I was better off with just me. I wasn't in love. I basically had one friend (at least one bloody good one). and I was afraid of doing anything about it. also I feared that if I stayed the way I was, I would never get to go back.

second, I found myself lying when I fell in love. I found myself lying when the friends quadrupled and someone really cared. again you were afraid. I feared that if I was just me, they would all just go away and I'd be alone again. which didn't happen by the way.

these irrational thoughts. our lies. our guilt, pain and fear, represent life. never have fear or never take a chance, and you'll probably end up not finding what you want and need. people will come back, people will be the centre of your attention always. it's just that the people change and that's when fear enters the stage. I think maybe one key is to not fear to be afraid.

The one in between

Torn. not into pieces, but left on hold 'till she gets back. wondering what it'll be like when time comes. I never thought I could be in this deep in such a short time, but now she's there, I'm here and it doesn't feel right. I feel bad, I feel good, I feel weird. I wanna tell him it's gonna be alright, and I will. still I know he's not easily consoled. I wanna help her be happy, but she's too far away and not the easiest to lend a hand.
I miss when things where simple. when the band was the band. when I knew what was happening, but never knew what would happen next.