Therapeutical writing - because it's good for her.

Ok. So. The girl is back. She's bashing out on those around her and need to get something helpful down on paper. It's helped before, it can help again. Sure. Something on trust this time. Or the lack thereof. Lately I've come to the conclusion that everyone else is normal, and I'm the crazy one. What I don't seem to grasp is the concept of choosing to trust someone or something blindly. Why is that logical and how do we know that that something or someone deserves that trust? Does every sane person just go along with this? Is that what normal is? To choose trust and then just see what happens? I'm pretty sure that if I could do that I'd be happy. I'd smile more often, I'd be less cynical, I'd never pick a fight, I'd believe in Jesus, go to church and I'd have normal relationships. I bet you're going: "Oh, she's the jealous type." But she's really not. It's just a trust thing. And it's healthy non-idealistic doubt. I'd say. I have no idea what's going on in other people's heads. If I did I'd be them - and we wouldn't want that now, would we.Then she'd not have all these great ideas floating around in her head screaming to come out. Because I'm the only one who has great ideas. Sure.

"I wish I could be a normal boy". Lol. No, not really. I think the problem is I'm too damned happy with being me. Normalcy after all seems pretty dull. So maybe I could pretend. Maybe I could go all Dexter on their asses and just doubt them and never trust them, but at the same time make sure no-one notices. Mwahaha. Sure. Sounds pretty crumby though. How can you be nice and caring and still just pretend.

Then there's freedom and trust. I like my freedom and I presume other people do too. I'm sure they do. But where do the normal people draw the line between not restricting freedom and being trustworthy to the people who trust them? Where does your freedom and liberty to say what you want to whoever you want fit into my image of you as the person I want to trust. As I'm writing this I can see I clearly have mental issues. Lol. Let's talk, signore Prozac.

Ok. So I'm not that crazy. But I'm seriously wondering where people get the courage and confidence to trust others. And if the answer IS that it's a choice you make, I have some serious getting to know myself work to do. Peace out.